What Is My Passion?

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So, the PAC bloggers are doing a blogging Carnival on Passions and I am asking myself, what is my passion?

 

Honestly, Passion was not something I thought of much, nor did it bother me.

I kind of flitted around happily like a butterfly.    Just going where I went and accepting it as what was meant to be. This was more so in my elementary years and young adult years.  Shoot teen years are kind of blank for me and I remember many, many mean young folks, who broke my Pollyanna bubble.  But I just kept walking, walking away from troublesome folks.

Young adult years were better as all the troubled folks seemed to not be around me for the most part.  And those were were trouble, I just felt sorry for.   But as time passed and human nature in its brokenness surrounded me, I again felt the pangs of betrayal, lies and agendas riddled with selfishness.  And yeah, I probably fit in there too, especially in the selfish part.  Anyhow, the butterfly was loosing its color, but not its flutter.

I went to college to be a nurse, but preferred the idea of pharmacist, however that involved waiting another year.  So by default I picked nursing, afterall it was science and I loved science.  I got my BSN and worked many years as a nurse. I dated and decided never to marry, but ended up married.

Nursing was great, so much to learn.  But even with all that learning, I found the relational, care giving aspect good and also sad, very sad. This is where many medical professionals develop the clinical personality.  Shoot if you submit to your emotions, you will get nothing done.  So, efficiency becomes a priority.  And yes you still get heartbroken in the clinical personality, but you at least can operate effectively.

So, here again I saw that many of my alleged passions changed, so I tread lightly and tried to remain more like the butterfly.

 

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Not necessarily willfully……just who I was.   I saw so many with negative passions, out of control, then I saw the idealists who never accomplished their ideal, the pessimist had passion in their negativity to bring others down, optimist had great ideas but not always with feet planted on the ground, then the realist…………..awe perhaps this is me.

But then what is reality?

What is your reality, what is my reality?  Whats the purpose, why are we here?  Why do people suffer?  Why do people kill?  Why do people call abortion a choice?  Do babies have choices?  And oh so many questions?  Where do the stars end, do they end?   Stuck with so many unanswered questions sent me into practical atheism then agnosticism.

But atheism didn’t last too long.

I started seeing things that man could not answer.  Oh, some intellectuals with finite minds and no faith have answers, but they are sooo limited.  I do not remember how or why, but I found prayer important.  And as I prayed I drew closer to God and my faith given to me as a child, a child who was happy and free….like the butterfly.  As I continued to embrace my faith and the sacraments(encounters with Christ), I  was becoming different….you know that old metanoia.  I guess I had fallen into the caterpillar category(crawling with the mundane) and now was headed back to the freedom of the butterfly again.  I wish I could say all was joyous and wonderful.  My inner spirit was freed, but the world remains the same and this makes me sad.

When I visited Israel and stood in various places, Jesus walked……I felt some of His pain.  When he looked at Jerusalem and wept, saying how HE Longed to be like a mother hen and protect His chicks, but they would not come to HIM.  This was a sad place to stand.

The Via Delarosa where Jesus carried His cross and people spit on HIM, mocked and jeered Him.  WE walked it and had orthodox Jews spit as we approached and Muslim and Jewish woman alike sneering and pushing us out of the way.  We stayed on one side with plenty of room for others to pass.  How sad, I thought….people have not changed. And this too made me sad at a deep level (not angry or hateful).  They do not know the loving heart of the Merciful Messiah.  I could go on, but will not as I wrote too much already.  I remembered Jesus words on the Cross, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do!”  And so  I do as He asks.

So, what is my real passion?

My passion is to follow Jesus and bring His message of forgiveness, mercy and love to anyone and all who will listen.  So, now you know what my passion is.  And I kind of do not like that phrase, “what is my/your passion?”   I prefer to say, how can I help others? What can I and should I do. What does God want me to do?  I am not an expert in anything and not an expert about God, who is?

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But I know if you seek HIS heart, you will find Him.

 

Author: Paula

Hi, I am a nurse with many years experience, a family person with children and one grand daughter. My husband and I are a minority as we can proudly say we have been married 30 years. I also, like to mess around on the internet, blog, network and surf. What about you? I am working on residual income for my retirement and who knows maybe even make more than I ever thought of. I also am a strong believer in God and belong to an ancient religious order of the Catholic church. My husband and I are Lay Carmelites. I love to garden, but my allergies hate it. I have 2 cats and a dog and my allergies hate the dog. Oh brother. Not much for tv, but occassionally watch a reality show, if that is reality......roflol. Anyway, it is a pleasure chatting, and stay blessed!!

8 thoughts on “What Is My Passion?”

  1. Hi Paula,

    I’ve never been a proponent of spending years searching for ‘you passion’. Life doesn’t wait while you look for something that I don’t think most people would even recognize. But, then, I’m open to the idea.

    It takes courage to expose yourself as you have in this post.I applaud your nerve for doing so.
    Edward
    Edward Thorpe recently posted…Safe Travel Tips For SeniorsMy Profile

    1. I agree and I don’t seek what is my passion. For me it jus happened gradually….and somethings I thought were my passion, for instance high tech ICU and saving life’s …..well that fizzled out too. For me, it seems,most of the mundane things fizzle. I hope and pray the spiritual matters of God hold my heart and soul captive. LOL. Despite my freewill

    1. I believe very much that often we are where we are supposed to be at the present time. But other times, I wonder(probably the bad times, but I am learning to accept the bad with the good)

  2. Our passions are giving to us when, I believe, we are born, but being raised in this American society, it can diminish that very fact from us without us being aware. But as we go through life situations, circumstances, and struggles, we come back to realize what our true passions and purpose are. It is as simple as to love and use the power of Love to bring us back to who we really are.

    1. Hi Charity, what a beautiful name. Thanks for your truthful, simple and profound insight! You hit it on the nose. Some of us loose our radar in American overload….but generally find our way back to peace and love.

  3. Hello Paula.

    It’s my first visit to your blog. Wow, what a post! I love being in and learning from nature. It makes me feel close to God. I can definitely relate to a lot of what you are saying. It takes a very special person to be a nurse. I am good in emergencies and love to help people, but I couldn’t take the pain and anguish of seeing all that you’ve seen. I think it would crush my spirit.

    You are a strong person. You have great courage to write and share such personal things, which I appreciate!

    Passion for me is like fuel; it keeps me going. So if all of your life’s experiences to know have lead you to Jesus Christ and that is now your passion, what better choice could you have made? He is a never-ending source of fuel, love, support, nurturing, and forgiveness.

    Keep flying free little butterfly! 🙂

    Deborah
    Deborah A. Ten Brink recently posted…Your Business Focus Is About More Than Just Identifying Your PassionMy Profile

    1. Yes, the source of LOVE comes from one person and yet many miss this..When you work with people who have been blown up and should be dead, the pain they suffer crushes you, but the matters of spirit they share is totally revitalizing.
      Thank you for your post, sure do appreciate it

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